


Spiral

by BelleIllumina



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Josh never deserved any of this.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-02
Updated: 2015-09-02
Packaged: 2018-04-18 16:18:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4712423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BelleIllumina/pseuds/BelleIllumina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>To Josh, there were no steps in this spiral. Handles, yes. Footholds? Possibly. He was never a climber like Sam, no. So he struggled to not slide or fall. Imagine that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spiral

**Author's Note:**

> Just imagine.

To Josh, there were no steps in this spiral. Handles, yes. Footholds? Possibly. He was never a climber like Sam, no. So he struggled to not slide or fall. Imagine that.

Josh Washington, eldest of three and drunk, waking up to find his sisters gone. His head blazing from hungover and his movements sluggish. Sam’s frantic words not sinking in until there were more shouts that drilled pain to his head.  _"Wait. W-wait. What are you talking about?“_

_It was just a prank!_  He ran out of the lodge to the snow, only to be stopped by the blizzard, or Chris’ restraint.  _Too dangerous, what if you get lost too?_  Josh Washington, sitting on the couch because he couldn’t pace because he will tumble. Josh, blaming the alcohol in his system for not being awake and aware. Josh, blaming himself as he sat in silence and listened to the cacophony of explanations that didn’t matter. Josh, curling up to himself when he remembered Beth’s panicked (faint) voice that he wake up.

Josh, eldest brother, helpless with helping his baby sisters. Did Beth curse him for not waking? Did Hannah call out for him, wish for him to come find her? Were they waiting for him now? He stood up only to be held down. Again. Mike.  _Calm down. There’s a blizzard there!_ His mind raged amid the alcohol, Your fault. He wanted to scream. We’ve called for help already. Sam. _They’ll be back._  Emily. His eyes roved, seeing each worried and self-righteous expression. He took note of the camera in Matt’s hold.  _Your fault._

_Why aren’t you doing anything, Josh?_  Beth.

_Where’s Josh?_  Hannah.

His baby sisters. His baby sisters. Gone. Missing, not yet dead.  _Not dead, meaning they were suffering._  Josh screamed and launched himself off the couch and to the door. He fought against any restraint and was deaf to any call or reason.  _His baby sisters. His baby sisters. Useless, helpless Josh. My baby sisters. My little Hannah and Beth._

Josh, checking his phone for anything. Any message that his sisters were found. A call from Beth or Hannah to wake him up of this nightmare. Phone in his hand he would call Hannah, elated by the click, only to be shoved low when his mother’s crying came. Hannah left her phone in the cabin and it was the police that found it. Calling Beth would get him the same message, again and again. He would lay in bed wondering which was more painful until he needed to text Sam to come over and bring him some sanity.

Josh, staring at white walls with the beeping monitor beside him. His arms pricked by needles and a great slash on his wrist. Morphine dulled the pain, and he wanted nothing more than to feel it. He sat on his bed and imagined all the pain his sisters could’ve went through. He looked at the white walls and saw Hannah’s scribbles. He counted tiles on the floor and heard Beth playing hopscotch. He kept his eyes open until he heard their voices in a lullaby. He fought when they increased the morphine and stuck sleeping pills in his throat. The sisters of his waking hours were better than the ones in his nightmares.

Josh sitting in a plush chair that threatened to swallow his tired form. His head floating as the man, doctor, droned on and on. In the corner of his gaze, he could see Beth standing there dressed in her favorite shirt and jeans. Hannah was beside her in one of her butterfly dresses. Closure is needed, Josh, to move onward. He toned down the sneer to a melancholic smile. He’d been through this before and it was better to go along and be a good boy. "Why am I here, when they’re having a time of their life?”

_He made sure to be kind, be amiable and never miss his schedule. Dr. Hill will look at him with eyes that pierces his soul, and Josh would look straight on. The darkness in him could swallow the good doctor and never let him go. There was a special place for him there.  The medicine kept the nightmares away too._

Josh, released from psychiatric ward, and returning to the world without any friends but grief stricken parents.  _Sam was a friend, yes. Friend. Sam. Chris too?_   _Yes._  Josh, getting access of the internet and seeing what he missed in those few months.  _They’re all so happy._  Josh, determined that he wouldn’t be useless and helpless anymore. He was stronger now.  _The medicine made him sleepy and sleep takes time instead of doing something. He was working in limited time too. The pain kept him awake, and with it the anger burned._

The nightmares returned and now they bled to his waking hours. Beth’s dead eyes followed him anywhere. Hannah’s cold hands caressed his cheeks often.  _“You never came.”_

Josh, scrolling through his phone when he doubted and lingering on Chris and Sam’s texts. Sending smileys when all he wanted was to tell them everything, but he was alone. He deserved it. This was his responsibility. This was his redemption. So Josh smiled, even when there were tears running down his cheeks. He smiled until the tears no longer ran. He smiled hoping someone would find it strange. He smiled and smiled and smiled.

He smiled until he could do nothing else. 

 


End file.
